MY HUSBAND!
Recently a subtle change occurred in our marriage. Where some of my foibles, habits and obsessions used to irritate my husband, he now smiles at me indulgently instead. He kindly offers me more of the things I like: favourite foods and outings, hours of sitting out on grave mounds or at petroglyph sites (that we already have visited before, therefore “all done” from his point of view!) There is a new tenderness, almost a form of time travel to our younger selves, (we have been together for 39 years).
Initially I thought: make the most of it while it lasts! But after a few months had passed, I decided to ask him what has changed?
He explained that he has made a new friend. They go sailing together (something I am not overly keen on, having sailed around the Caribbean and up the coast of Central America, with three young children on board - that was enough sailing to last me a lifetime!!) This friend lost his wife (to cancer) five years ago.
OUR ELDEST SON UP A TREE WITH A MONKEY, ON A BEACH IN HONDURAS
He was telling my husband how life has not been the same since her death. Her clothing still hangs in the wardrobe, the house still looks like she lives there. Now this friend has decided that it’s time to make a big lifestyle change and move house. That means dealing with “the situation”. He still couldn’t face the wardrobe, so he recently invited some close friends over for a weekend, to help him. They had taken her clothing out of the wardrobe and packed it all up for the charity shop.
My husband says: just hearing him describe this, changed everything at my end! When I now see your earrings in the “wrong places”, your “winter studio” in our kitchen, and your colourful clothing in our wardrobe, I only think: thank God that you are still here! That we can still talk, face challenges together, continue to parent our three sons together, and make new memories together every day. Instead of automatically tidying things away, I now love seeing your hairclips on the window sill (and so forth). They remind me how fortunate I am that you are alive. I only want to buy you more earrings now, because they give you such joy…
JOKKMOKK, NORRLAND
The day may come that one of us has to carry on alone, without the other. But not just yet. Hopefully not for many years! Until then, I have shifted my focus from minor irritations to making the very most of our time together. Being more tolerant and indulgent. Smiling rather than whining. Ultimately small irritations do no matter at all when someone dies. They are irrelevant and a waste of precious time. I can learn this lesson now because my attitude is not set in stone, it is a daily choice I make, how I view things!
My husband has “infected me” with this idea. I do the same thing now, when I trip over piles of sailing magazines on the bedroom floor or cups of cold coffee standing around every room. I smile and think: “Thank Goddess that you are still here!”
I asked him how he felt about me writing a piece about this. He said: “I think you should, it might just help other couples re-prioritize a little and find more joy in their everyday lives!” I asked: can I put a picture of you at the top? He said that’s fine!
About six weeks ago I was talking about how much I miss the Arctic. He said: OK! Let’s go to Norrland (Northern Sweden) for your birthday! We fly to Kiruna on Thursday this week! We left booking our accommodation a bit late, so we will also have two nights in Arctic Norway. This is a dream come true as I have always wanted to visit the Lofoten Islands in Winter, and see those mountains by the sea covered in snow. I may well write a piece about our experiences up north. I am bringing a sketchbook and art materials!
As for my husband’s new friend: he recently took a deep breath and joined a dating site. The first date went OK but there was no spark. The second date never happened because, as things turned out, “she” was catfishing him (and after his money). But he has another date lined up for the weekend we are in the Far North. We hold our breath on his behalf!!
I try (but sometimes fail) to get out at least one essay a week (sometimes several), due to travel, international teaching commitments and family care responsibilities (our family lives with Alzheimer’s and I have written several posts about that). All artwork shown in Substack posts is my own, unless credited differently! If you would like to see regular posts about about Nordic spirituality and my life as a Forest Witch (and of course short videos of all the wildlife here!), please follow me on Instagram or Facebook, thank you!
Imelda Almqvist, London UK
BIO FOR IMELDA ALMQVIST
Imelda Almqvist is an international teacher of Sacred Art and Seiðr/Old Norse Traditions (the ancestral wisdom teachings of Northern Europe). So far she has written four non-fiction books and two picture books for children. Natural Born Shamans: A Spiritual Toolkit for Life (Using shamanism creatively with young people of all ages) in 2016, Sacred Art: A Hollow Bone for Spirit (Where Art Meets Shamanism) in 2019, Medicine of the Imagination - Dwelling in Possibility (an impassioned plea for fearless imagination) in 2020 and North Sea Water In My Veins (The Pre-Christian spirituality of the Low Countries) was published in June 2022.
The Green Bear is a series of picture book for children, aged 3 – 8 years. The stories and vibrant artwork, set in Scandinavia, invite children to explore enchanting parallel worlds and to keep their sense of magic alive as they grow up.
Imelda has presented her work on both The Shift Network and Sounds True. She appears in a TV program, titled Ice Age Shaman, made for the Smithsonian Museum, in the series Mystic Britain, talking about Mesolithic arctic deer shamanism.
Imelda currently has a handbook for rune magicians (about the runes of the Elder Futhark and working with the Uthark Sequence) in the pipeline (in production with Moon Books) and her book after that will be about Inuit culture and mythology. Imelda runs an on-line school called Pregnant Hag Teachings, where all classes she teaches remain available as recordings, which can be watched any time.
Website:
http://www.shaman-healer-painter.co.uk/
YouTube Channel: youtube.com/user/imeldaalmqvist
Online School: https://pregnant-hag-teachings.teachable.com/courses/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/imelda.almqvist/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/almqvistimelda/
Imelda, Forest House and Forest School, Sweden
Thank you and your husband for sharing this. It feels like a generous reminder of what is more than possible. Relationships are all so unique and when there is both breathing room and love, well what a blessing!!!
I had to laugh at the synchronicity this morning. A view from one and a message from another on a dating site I keep meaning to deactivate.
One was just way too young for me! I’m no cougar but a couple of my male friends like to tease me about that. I take it as a compliment. The view was from an older man who knows how to live simply,
but he lives half a world away. And so it goes.
May there be more and more loving kindness on this beautiful earth.
I love your willingness to share whatever you choose to share.
I absolutely adored your post and I am grateful to your husband for allowing you to post it. I was thinking of my eldest daughter. She might be leaving for Drama school this September. We are very close but she is still a teenager and finding her stuff all around the house irritates me a lot. I am a Virgo sun and moon, it’s hard to go against my nature 🤪. As I read your article I thought to myself how much I will miss her and her things sprinkled around our home. It made me think that I need to be more grateful and enjoy however much time she has in our home as a child. It changed my perspective entirely. Thank you 🙏