Thank you for this post Imelda, a subject very dear to my heart. I love your ancestral photo wall, I have made a book of ancestors, with photos, their names and dates of birth and death so my children will understand who these people are after I am no longer here. They are currently too busy bringing up their own families.
I also do an annual ceremony of saying ancestors names and also one for the “forgotten women”.
I usually do it in the autumn on the Julian calendar date for Samhain (currently 13days after our calendar), rather than have it tangled up in the Gregorian Samhain with all the extra trappings that go on there.
They are the spinster aunts and my great grandmother’s who died when their children were infants and were quickly replaced by new wives and the erased from the scene, well in my family anyway.
Both my Grandfather and Grandmother never knew the names of their birth mothers and they died not knowing but our family does now, sadly no photos though.
So please remember the forgotten women in our families - there are invariably one or two from the past who have been overlooked, they love to be remembered.
That is BEAUTIFUL!! I hope all readers also read your response!
On my altar (and when I do my own ceremonies) I always set a special place for the ancestors who were overlooked, excluded or whose names I do not know - but make sure that they feel welcome and included anyway! I even have figurines I use as stand-ins... X
Much food for thought, thank you. I have a long standing interest in mediumship and have trained to be a medium. It is a very humbling experience when connection is made and helpful information can be relayed. I used to get messages from a soldier, but mediums never told me who he was. In the end, I decided to just ask him myself and immediately received an answer. The name didn't ring a bell, but when I checked he was a distant uncle. I asked my dad about him and was told that this uncle and his wife had experienced traumatic events on the earthplane. I expressed my gratitude to him for contacting me and sent him and his wife love and understanding. I feel this has calmed things down a bit.
I also received messages from my maternal grandmother who I never met when she was alive. Apparently, she wants me to meditate with her. I'm very chuffed about that. Grandma lived in the former DRG (former Eastern Germany) where any mention of mediumship would have had serious repercussions. I don't think anyone knew grandma was interested in this. Other female ancestors have shyly peeked around the veil. I'm working on the connections and speak to my late husband and parents every day.
I didn`t know a lot about my family tree, and started making him a few years ago. It felt like opening the box of Pandora. It felt like a hugh wave of hidden stories, pain, secrets and trauma being poured over me.
The same time I was doing this work, my parents started a juridical procedure. They no longer wanted to see me or my husband and asked a visitation schedule for our children (my parents lost the case, but it took 3 years and numerous investigations). It left us traumatized, but wiser. I no longer have contact with my parents now.
I am very grateful though, that I now `know` the stories of my ancestors. Their pain speaks through the acts of my parents, their pain now is my pain. It helps me to see all this drama as something that is bigger than myself or my parents.
But I also feel like a closure of this way of working with my ancestral line is needed now. And I feel like I should ask help, even though I usually prefer to find things out alone.
So my question, I guess, is: Is there a good way to acknowledge your ancestors, to be at peace with your ancestors, when your own parents want you `out` of their family tree? Sometimes it feels like I don`t deserve a relation with my ancestors, although I start to feel more and more that this is not true, that it is a false conviction. And recently I can even feel my great great grandmother`s presence and love, that is so beautiful!
I am writing this down, and I feel that I don`t need the approval of my parents to be in relation with my ancestors. I `ll post this question anyway. It`s important for me.
I am deeply sorry to hear this. NO ONE can delete you from the family tree. You were born into it and you will always have your place. NOTHING can delete us from a family tree, not estrangement, not non-communication with family members, not even adoption by another family (as you will then belong to both family trees!)
I would say daily prayers to the compassionate ancestors and ask them to watch over all of you and guide all of you to highest outcome. And that may be well be exactly where you already are right now!
You really made me think, I’ve never thought of ancestors that way.
I am moving house and I was thinking of sorting my old pictures. I thought maybe I will create an ancestral photo album that I can use now and pass on to my kids and instruct them to recite their names once a year.
I also thought that if I land in 2125 I hope my ancestors are still human beings and not some kind of AI 🤖 zombies. That will give me so much happiness and hope.
My best guess is that our human descendants will coexist with AI personalities and Bots. But I hope that they (the humans) will be running the world....
Once I started doing shadow work with and honoring my Ancestors I really felt a huge shift in my life. Mostly feeling their connection and presence when I need them or when they wish to help me. My favorite thing of all though was teaching my grandchildren to honor them. Right now it’s small gestures for them, usually sharing their food or trinkets at the ancestor alter, but it amazes me every time I walk past the alter I see new things my grandchildren placed there. They perhaps honor the ancestors more than I do in that way and that fills my heart with such joy because I know someday it will be bigger work for all of us. Someday it will be me they honor and remember
Hi Imelda, thank you. Firstly, this made me wonder if more than one person in a generation might pick up the emotional backpack - let's say for instance, me and my cousin George*. If I work on the healing, will that also affect Mary? We are taught strictly not to work with other living people shamanically without their express permission, but working on the family "field" might have effects on others perhaps?
(I have done some family constellation work, and our group (shamanic) teacher would only let us lay out the constellation, not allow the representatives to move around, because this might affect other living family members. I've been considering for some time if this is correct).
My mum did a lot of research into the maternal line of our family history when she was alive and it's a complicated history. We've also had multiple generations of divorced parents and the wounds that can be left from those experiences. Adoption, both formal and informal, is part of our family history too. The information my mum left is mine now but I'm very aware that it's only a small part of our story and most will remain hidden behind layers of lost secrets.
When I think of myself being an ancestor in the future what is most important to me is that my descendants live happy and healthy lives. It would be nice if they remember me but I know memories change and fade. The emotion behind the memory often lasts so much longer.
I see people talking about "healing the ancestors" in some places online and it makes me cringe. It seems as if consent is something left out for some talking about this and just like offering healing to living beings the dead also deserve respect and to give consent. So mostly I just remember and send my love. I believe that if they want me to do more they'll let me know.
I hear you! What remains is our impact or positive influence (in the best case anyway!)
As for "randomly healing ancestors", that could mess with ancestral fields if the (well-meaning) people were not trained in this work. Don't tinker with what you don't comprehend fully... It might even have karmic consequences (for you) ... X
Thank you so very much for this look into our Compassionate Ancestors-there is always more to learn and I appreciate the Light you shine on such intriguing topics-
Ancestral reverence and healing work are so important! For so many centuries, the ancestors have been ignored and not cared for (in the industrialized West, at least - that's not the case in other regions of the world). I'm gratified to see such a resurgence in interest in the ancestors. They deserve our attention and energy; after all, they are literally the reason we're here.
And it is a bit frustrating that so many kinds of spiritual training leave out ancestral work, to the point that it has become its own separate category, when really, it should be integrated into everything else. Just as the ancestors themselves are woven into our lives.
That is so right, about "the separate category". And it is exactly the type of division that is not helpful, as we need to bring them back into the weave. I often wonder why this is, but my thoughts on that would turn into another essay. Thank you!
Thank you for this post Imelda, a subject very dear to my heart. I love your ancestral photo wall, I have made a book of ancestors, with photos, their names and dates of birth and death so my children will understand who these people are after I am no longer here. They are currently too busy bringing up their own families.
I also do an annual ceremony of saying ancestors names and also one for the “forgotten women”.
I usually do it in the autumn on the Julian calendar date for Samhain (currently 13days after our calendar), rather than have it tangled up in the Gregorian Samhain with all the extra trappings that go on there.
They are the spinster aunts and my great grandmother’s who died when their children were infants and were quickly replaced by new wives and the erased from the scene, well in my family anyway.
Both my Grandfather and Grandmother never knew the names of their birth mothers and they died not knowing but our family does now, sadly no photos though.
So please remember the forgotten women in our families - there are invariably one or two from the past who have been overlooked, they love to be remembered.
That is BEAUTIFUL!! I hope all readers also read your response!
On my altar (and when I do my own ceremonies) I always set a special place for the ancestors who were overlooked, excluded or whose names I do not know - but make sure that they feel welcome and included anyway! I even have figurines I use as stand-ins... X
Much food for thought, thank you. I have a long standing interest in mediumship and have trained to be a medium. It is a very humbling experience when connection is made and helpful information can be relayed. I used to get messages from a soldier, but mediums never told me who he was. In the end, I decided to just ask him myself and immediately received an answer. The name didn't ring a bell, but when I checked he was a distant uncle. I asked my dad about him and was told that this uncle and his wife had experienced traumatic events on the earthplane. I expressed my gratitude to him for contacting me and sent him and his wife love and understanding. I feel this has calmed things down a bit.
I also received messages from my maternal grandmother who I never met when she was alive. Apparently, she wants me to meditate with her. I'm very chuffed about that. Grandma lived in the former DRG (former Eastern Germany) where any mention of mediumship would have had serious repercussions. I don't think anyone knew grandma was interested in this. Other female ancestors have shyly peeked around the veil. I'm working on the connections and speak to my late husband and parents every day.
I love hearing about "other female ancestors peeking shyly around the veil"! : )
Thank you so much for your blogs and posts!
I didn`t know a lot about my family tree, and started making him a few years ago. It felt like opening the box of Pandora. It felt like a hugh wave of hidden stories, pain, secrets and trauma being poured over me.
The same time I was doing this work, my parents started a juridical procedure. They no longer wanted to see me or my husband and asked a visitation schedule for our children (my parents lost the case, but it took 3 years and numerous investigations). It left us traumatized, but wiser. I no longer have contact with my parents now.
I am very grateful though, that I now `know` the stories of my ancestors. Their pain speaks through the acts of my parents, their pain now is my pain. It helps me to see all this drama as something that is bigger than myself or my parents.
But I also feel like a closure of this way of working with my ancestral line is needed now. And I feel like I should ask help, even though I usually prefer to find things out alone.
So my question, I guess, is: Is there a good way to acknowledge your ancestors, to be at peace with your ancestors, when your own parents want you `out` of their family tree? Sometimes it feels like I don`t deserve a relation with my ancestors, although I start to feel more and more that this is not true, that it is a false conviction. And recently I can even feel my great great grandmother`s presence and love, that is so beautiful!
I am writing this down, and I feel that I don`t need the approval of my parents to be in relation with my ancestors. I `ll post this question anyway. It`s important for me.
Dear Elke,
(Are you Dutch, like me?)
I am deeply sorry to hear this. NO ONE can delete you from the family tree. You were born into it and you will always have your place. NOTHING can delete us from a family tree, not estrangement, not non-communication with family members, not even adoption by another family (as you will then belong to both family trees!)
I would say daily prayers to the compassionate ancestors and ask them to watch over all of you and guide all of you to highest outcome. And that may be well be exactly where you already are right now!
Thank you so much! I feel this could be right.
I´m Flemish :)
Vlaams, aha! : )
You really made me think, I’ve never thought of ancestors that way.
I am moving house and I was thinking of sorting my old pictures. I thought maybe I will create an ancestral photo album that I can use now and pass on to my kids and instruct them to recite their names once a year.
I also thought that if I land in 2125 I hope my ancestors are still human beings and not some kind of AI 🤖 zombies. That will give me so much happiness and hope.
That is a beautiful plan!
My best guess is that our human descendants will coexist with AI personalities and Bots. But I hope that they (the humans) will be running the world....
I hope that’s the case 🙏
Once I started doing shadow work with and honoring my Ancestors I really felt a huge shift in my life. Mostly feeling their connection and presence when I need them or when they wish to help me. My favorite thing of all though was teaching my grandchildren to honor them. Right now it’s small gestures for them, usually sharing their food or trinkets at the ancestor alter, but it amazes me every time I walk past the alter I see new things my grandchildren placed there. They perhaps honor the ancestors more than I do in that way and that fills my heart with such joy because I know someday it will be bigger work for all of us. Someday it will be me they honor and remember
Hi Imelda, thank you. Firstly, this made me wonder if more than one person in a generation might pick up the emotional backpack - let's say for instance, me and my cousin George*. If I work on the healing, will that also affect Mary? We are taught strictly not to work with other living people shamanically without their express permission, but working on the family "field" might have effects on others perhaps?
(I have done some family constellation work, and our group (shamanic) teacher would only let us lay out the constellation, not allow the representatives to move around, because this might affect other living family members. I've been considering for some time if this is correct).
* I don't have a cousin George!
Lisa x
My mum did a lot of research into the maternal line of our family history when she was alive and it's a complicated history. We've also had multiple generations of divorced parents and the wounds that can be left from those experiences. Adoption, both formal and informal, is part of our family history too. The information my mum left is mine now but I'm very aware that it's only a small part of our story and most will remain hidden behind layers of lost secrets.
When I think of myself being an ancestor in the future what is most important to me is that my descendants live happy and healthy lives. It would be nice if they remember me but I know memories change and fade. The emotion behind the memory often lasts so much longer.
I see people talking about "healing the ancestors" in some places online and it makes me cringe. It seems as if consent is something left out for some talking about this and just like offering healing to living beings the dead also deserve respect and to give consent. So mostly I just remember and send my love. I believe that if they want me to do more they'll let me know.
I hear you! What remains is our impact or positive influence (in the best case anyway!)
As for "randomly healing ancestors", that could mess with ancestral fields if the (well-meaning) people were not trained in this work. Don't tinker with what you don't comprehend fully... It might even have karmic consequences (for you) ... X
Thank you so very much for this look into our Compassionate Ancestors-there is always more to learn and I appreciate the Light you shine on such intriguing topics-
Thank you! Someone needs to do it, I feel!
Ancestral reverence and healing work are so important! For so many centuries, the ancestors have been ignored and not cared for (in the industrialized West, at least - that's not the case in other regions of the world). I'm gratified to see such a resurgence in interest in the ancestors. They deserve our attention and energy; after all, they are literally the reason we're here.
And it is a bit frustrating that so many kinds of spiritual training leave out ancestral work, to the point that it has become its own separate category, when really, it should be integrated into everything else. Just as the ancestors themselves are woven into our lives.
That is so right, about "the separate category". And it is exactly the type of division that is not helpful, as we need to bring them back into the weave. I often wonder why this is, but my thoughts on that would turn into another essay. Thank you!
Maybe that's an essay that needs to be written (eventually)?
... heads over to the Draft Folder....