Thank you for this very interesting post and the beautiful artwork. It chimes with me in many ways. A couple of days before my dad passed away,aged 98, he exclaimed in desperation that he didn't have the will to go on and wondered when this (living hell) was going to be over. The fates were kind and his wish was granted 2 days later. He'd broken one of his legs to add to his other medical problems. Mum followed soon after. I knew exactly how he felt. I've been living with ME and Fibromyalgia for a very long time and I've had many moments when I wished I could cross over. I wouldn't harm myself, but sadly there are many others with the same illnesses who have chosen to end their lives due to lack of interest, understanding and compassion by the medical profession. In recent times more research has been carried out but we're still a long way away from a diagnostic test and appropriate treatment regime that would offer people with these conditions the care and dignity they deserve. Government support in terms of benefits is very difficult to obtain with neurological conditions such as these as they're "invisible" and fluctuating in nature. I don't blame anyone who decides to end their lives out of desperation, but I wish our society could become more compassionate and respectful of those who struggle to keep up and allegedly don't contribute to society.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply! I wish we could collectively define "contributing to society" as not primarily a financial concept. It seems to me that people who have learned how to live with serious illness or disability could be much-needed mentors for people who are only just starting that journey. Also that people who are currently "unemployed" could do much-needed tasks in society in return for the benefits they deserve (visit the elderly and lonely, pick litter, walk dogs or do the shopping for people who are ill etc.) Maybe some of them already do this, but what if we organised this more properly? Made it more of a cultural expectation? People who gain work experience and glowing references are more likely to find employment in the near future anyway. What if we focussed on dignity and the humanitarian dimension, rather than "profit"? Just my 2 pennies worth.
I resonated with your reply because I too have ME and other issues. I’ve experienced and know many others who have experienced non compassion and disbelief from doctors. In fact, I had a friend with lupus who was disbelieved and then she died. As a hypnotherapist I dealt with many clients who wanted to learn to cope with this dismissiveness and have come to understand that medical staff literally hate dealing with invisible or unproven illnesses. I believe there is another kind of suicide. One where the personality gives up under the pressure of disbelief and abandonment. I’m so lucky that I have many interests and an obsession with learning but I do get frustrated with constantly having to abandon plans. But I know people who have no interests, except a walk in the country or seeing family and I’ve watched them fade away under the weight of not being believed as their illness becomes their world.
I know exactly what you mean! My many and varied interests have been my saving grace but,like you, I get frustrated with my body saying "No, not today". We're blessed to have these interests because, as you say, people with too narrow a focus are likely to give up altogether and fade away.
Thank you, Imelda for writing both. I find the old Norse way interesting especially bc we now view it differently. Although I am not subscribing to the viking view, I do think we need to soften our judgment of old and ill people who might not want to spend their last months in excruciating pain and opt for ending their life. I don't find that shameful. That is(or at least it could be) a sovereign choice.
I agree with you there! But writing this I was also wondering if the Viking Era code of honour is not alive still in the ancestral field of (at least some) people of Norse heritage. I think we never fully know all the influences that pass through our "unique self" as we think of it!
Thank you Imelda for an interesting article! I just found out some time ago that I am a direct descendant of Berserks you mention there and many other famous Viking kings (and queens) as well. I’ve deep dived to the family history that’s both shocking and fascinating. The oldest of my grandparents are refered to as Odin’s children and they had fights with eight-armed giants and such 😃 From Vikings the family line moved to the Netherlands, Germany and finally to my birth country: Finland!
I’m still processing. It’s quite a lot - especially the women’s stories. Many of my grandmothers were kidnapped to be wives for their enemies. There were suicides. But also warrior queens and sometimes women played important role in politics via their sons - like Saint Agnes, the mother of Saint Olav.
In the NL, I have a greatgrandmother who acted as a count after her husband’s early death and later established nunneries.
Actually you are also part of this fairytale! I was inspired by your book North Sea Water in my Veins and wanted to spend my birthday by the sea last Autumn. I ended up in Egmond, where my greatgrandmother lived, as I now know. So that pilgrimage I already did ! 😄
I find the timing of this article inspired. This morning after I'd taken my dad to a dental appointment and sorted some lunch for him he said he was tired of life and wanted to die. It's not the first time he's said things like this but I don't think he's actively suicidal. He's 80, has severe arthritis and heart failure. He doesn't want to become a burden and he misses my mum badly. She died suddenly almost eight years ago and we are nearing the anniversary. We talked and I reminded him that at the moment he's probably in the best health he's been in since before the heart failure was diagnosed almost two years ago. He's not scared of death, he's scared of losing his independence and his limited mobility. He's scared of becoming helpless and feeling like a burden. I do my best to reassure him. I think these occasions are partly an expression of his grief as much as feeling tired of life.
I hear you and I can understand where your Dad is coming from. He is fortunate to have you in his corner. Also that you are able to hold different viewpoints in mind at the same time. People who do that make for calmer carers, in my observation. May things look up for your Dad as we move into summer weather and more daylight...
I believe each of us has a choice, like with all decisions. And I think much has to do with how we perceive death....we have been conditioned to view it as an ending, rather than a necessary process for a birthing. We have been conditioned to avoid it, as in age-defying. And then there is the perception we have 'soul contracts' and it is written in the stars as to when we leave. I do have Swedish ancestry, so perhaps my perceptions have been shaped by this. As is said in the veterinary practice.."better to go on a good day, than a bad day." This aligns with my soul.
I had not heard that expression before, but it resonates.
My (Swedish) mother in law, with well-advanced Alzheimer's, always imagined a grand funeral (for herself) attended by many people (before dementia). She wrote detailed notes about her wishes about a decade ago. Five years ago she told us that every night, as she went to bed, she prayed that she would die in her sleep. She has now outlived nearly all her friends so there might only be a handful of people at her funeral. The phrase "the woman God forgot" sometimes comes to mind. So yes, I understand what "a good day" means and that there can be a bad day too.
Thank you for this very interesting post and the beautiful artwork. It chimes with me in many ways. A couple of days before my dad passed away,aged 98, he exclaimed in desperation that he didn't have the will to go on and wondered when this (living hell) was going to be over. The fates were kind and his wish was granted 2 days later. He'd broken one of his legs to add to his other medical problems. Mum followed soon after. I knew exactly how he felt. I've been living with ME and Fibromyalgia for a very long time and I've had many moments when I wished I could cross over. I wouldn't harm myself, but sadly there are many others with the same illnesses who have chosen to end their lives due to lack of interest, understanding and compassion by the medical profession. In recent times more research has been carried out but we're still a long way away from a diagnostic test and appropriate treatment regime that would offer people with these conditions the care and dignity they deserve. Government support in terms of benefits is very difficult to obtain with neurological conditions such as these as they're "invisible" and fluctuating in nature. I don't blame anyone who decides to end their lives out of desperation, but I wish our society could become more compassionate and respectful of those who struggle to keep up and allegedly don't contribute to society.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply! I wish we could collectively define "contributing to society" as not primarily a financial concept. It seems to me that people who have learned how to live with serious illness or disability could be much-needed mentors for people who are only just starting that journey. Also that people who are currently "unemployed" could do much-needed tasks in society in return for the benefits they deserve (visit the elderly and lonely, pick litter, walk dogs or do the shopping for people who are ill etc.) Maybe some of them already do this, but what if we organised this more properly? Made it more of a cultural expectation? People who gain work experience and glowing references are more likely to find employment in the near future anyway. What if we focussed on dignity and the humanitarian dimension, rather than "profit"? Just my 2 pennies worth.
I couldn't agree more!
I resonated with your reply because I too have ME and other issues. I’ve experienced and know many others who have experienced non compassion and disbelief from doctors. In fact, I had a friend with lupus who was disbelieved and then she died. As a hypnotherapist I dealt with many clients who wanted to learn to cope with this dismissiveness and have come to understand that medical staff literally hate dealing with invisible or unproven illnesses. I believe there is another kind of suicide. One where the personality gives up under the pressure of disbelief and abandonment. I’m so lucky that I have many interests and an obsession with learning but I do get frustrated with constantly having to abandon plans. But I know people who have no interests, except a walk in the country or seeing family and I’ve watched them fade away under the weight of not being believed as their illness becomes their world.
Your final sentence is an essay, or lifetime of observation, condensed into one line. Yes...
I know exactly what you mean! My many and varied interests have been my saving grace but,like you, I get frustrated with my body saying "No, not today". We're blessed to have these interests because, as you say, people with too narrow a focus are likely to give up altogether and fade away.
Thank you, Imelda for writing both. I find the old Norse way interesting especially bc we now view it differently. Although I am not subscribing to the viking view, I do think we need to soften our judgment of old and ill people who might not want to spend their last months in excruciating pain and opt for ending their life. I don't find that shameful. That is(or at least it could be) a sovereign choice.
I agree with you there! But writing this I was also wondering if the Viking Era code of honour is not alive still in the ancestral field of (at least some) people of Norse heritage. I think we never fully know all the influences that pass through our "unique self" as we think of it!
Thank you Imelda for an interesting article! I just found out some time ago that I am a direct descendant of Berserks you mention there and many other famous Viking kings (and queens) as well. I’ve deep dived to the family history that’s both shocking and fascinating. The oldest of my grandparents are refered to as Odin’s children and they had fights with eight-armed giants and such 😃 From Vikings the family line moved to the Netherlands, Germany and finally to my birth country: Finland!
Wow! And how are you going to live up to that heritage?! ;0) And the Netherlands happened before Finland then.... You are back where you belong!
I’m still processing. It’s quite a lot - especially the women’s stories. Many of my grandmothers were kidnapped to be wives for their enemies. There were suicides. But also warrior queens and sometimes women played important role in politics via their sons - like Saint Agnes, the mother of Saint Olav.
In the NL, I have a greatgrandmother who acted as a count after her husband’s early death and later established nunneries.
Actually you are also part of this fairytale! I was inspired by your book North Sea Water in my Veins and wanted to spend my birthday by the sea last Autumn. I ended up in Egmond, where my greatgrandmother lived, as I now know. So that pilgrimage I already did ! 😄
Great, I am happy to be a character in a fairy tale, that is a lifelong wish come true! : )
Haha, you already are one! 🧙🏼♀️✨🐉
Ah yes, the Forest Witch... ; )
This is an engraving of my grandparents - it hangs in Rijkmuseum 😄😄😄
Well, well!!
I find the timing of this article inspired. This morning after I'd taken my dad to a dental appointment and sorted some lunch for him he said he was tired of life and wanted to die. It's not the first time he's said things like this but I don't think he's actively suicidal. He's 80, has severe arthritis and heart failure. He doesn't want to become a burden and he misses my mum badly. She died suddenly almost eight years ago and we are nearing the anniversary. We talked and I reminded him that at the moment he's probably in the best health he's been in since before the heart failure was diagnosed almost two years ago. He's not scared of death, he's scared of losing his independence and his limited mobility. He's scared of becoming helpless and feeling like a burden. I do my best to reassure him. I think these occasions are partly an expression of his grief as much as feeling tired of life.
As I said, very interesting timing.
I hear you and I can understand where your Dad is coming from. He is fortunate to have you in his corner. Also that you are able to hold different viewpoints in mind at the same time. People who do that make for calmer carers, in my observation. May things look up for your Dad as we move into summer weather and more daylight...
I believe each of us has a choice, like with all decisions. And I think much has to do with how we perceive death....we have been conditioned to view it as an ending, rather than a necessary process for a birthing. We have been conditioned to avoid it, as in age-defying. And then there is the perception we have 'soul contracts' and it is written in the stars as to when we leave. I do have Swedish ancestry, so perhaps my perceptions have been shaped by this. As is said in the veterinary practice.."better to go on a good day, than a bad day." This aligns with my soul.
I had not heard that expression before, but it resonates.
My (Swedish) mother in law, with well-advanced Alzheimer's, always imagined a grand funeral (for herself) attended by many people (before dementia). She wrote detailed notes about her wishes about a decade ago. Five years ago she told us that every night, as she went to bed, she prayed that she would die in her sleep. She has now outlived nearly all her friends so there might only be a handful of people at her funeral. The phrase "the woman God forgot" sometimes comes to mind. So yes, I understand what "a good day" means and that there can be a bad day too.